Ari's life journey

Today is my birthday! I'm 31 years old now. Oh boy, I've never thought that I'll be 30s. In 9 years, I'll be 40..., then 50, 60?

It's kinda make you think that life is really short.

posted by Fajar @ 3:43 PM 0 Comments

Dear life,
How are you? I have very busy and stressful days at the office recently. I don't know how much longer I can stand it. Hopefully, when all this ends, it will end nicely.

Alors, je commencerai ma leçon française ce samedi. Il est tout à fait cher, mais je l'espère en valeur l'argent.

posted by Fajar @ 3:13 AM 0 Comments

La chère vie,
L'outil de traduction du google est grand. J'aime le français davantage en raison de lui. Maintenant, je puis causer dans peu français en IRC #french et #france.

Alors, je suis très heureux dans le Français d'étude. Il est difficile, mais c'est une belle langue.

posted by Fajar @ 9:13 PM 0 Comments

Next tuesday I will hold a big meeting regarding the start of the System Integration Project. I hope that the project will go allright. I expect resistance from some users, and even some top level management, but, I think I must persist and make it successful. I put all my confidence in it. This organization needs to move forward using better system.

Well, yesterday there was a bombing on the Australian Embassy. They said that it was a suicide car bomb. 8 people dead and hundreds injured. Most of the dead are security guards and bystanders. A militant group claimed responsibilty for it.

Back to French learning.
I learn some sentences today. Here they are:

mon vocabulaire est toujours très petit
my vocabulary is still very little

attendez, je le regardera dans le dictionnaire
wait, i will look it in the dictionary

mais la tu fais un gros effort
but you make a large effort

veint me parlée sur mon nick
come spoken to me on my nick

cependant je suis encore dépendu de mon dictionnaire beaucoup
however i am still depended on my dictionary very much

je voit
i see


il fait beau d'avoir quelqu'un à parler en français
it is nice to have someone to talk in french

je peut taider
i can help

et où font vous vivez
and where make you live

mais mon Français c'est tres mauvais aussi
but my French they is very bad too

sûr, comment?
sure, how?

se que c'est les website?
that they is the website?

où habitez-vous?
where do you live?

je parle peu français
i speak little french

je reviens tout de suite
i will be right back

c'est un endroit très bon à vivre dedans
it is a very good place to live in

fais de beaux rêves
have a sweet dreams

je dois obtenir mon petit déjeuner
i must get my breakfast

il est 7 le matin ici
it is 7 in the morning here

il est très tôt pour le petit déjeuner
it is very early to get breakfast

j'apprends le français aussi
i am learning french too

comment allez-vous aujourd'hui?
how are you today?

oncle encep, avez-vous un grand sexe la nuit passée?
uncle encep, did you have a great sex last night?

avez-vous votre petit déjeuner encore?
have you got your breakfast yet?

posted by Fajar @ 2:16 AM 0 Comments

I woke up 3am today to start studying French intensively. I studied for about an hour and then went back to bed again. I guess my body needs gradual adjustment first to handle this kind of activities :)

Je veux apprendre le français tous les jours.
Means, I want to learn French every day.

Je suis déterminé pour apprendre le français au moins 1 heure de journalier.
I am determined to learn French at least 1 hour everyday.

J'aime le français.
I love French.

Back to work, today I wrote an email to some important people. I said that there is saying called "Dare to Soar", which says "Our ATTITUDE almost always determines our ALTITUDE in life". It is a good saying. I like that.

posted by Fajar @ 2:22 AM 0 Comments

I have a meeting with the director this morning, just an usual one.

I asked for his permission to leave the office after lunch. The traffic to Mangga Dua was bad, moreover, the weather was so hot. And, worse, I forgot to bring any water with me. So, I felt as if I were in a desert. So hot, so thirsty :)

Well, after looking at the papers, I must practice French more often. Study.. harder... I must cut of those movie times and other leisure times.

posted by Fajar @ 3:23 AM 0 Comments

Great news today. I've got a very important phonecall when I were in a meeting. Tomorrow, after lunch, I've got to ask permission to leave the office to get some papers.

Also, I've checked my account in the bank, and I've got a maximum annual bonus :) Thanks God.

Well, I visited my mom yesterday. Boy, I miss her. She had a big fight with my Dad, and now she lives by her own. Dear life, I don't know... I just feel sad if I look at my mom and Dad. They're not a happy couple, since I was little, they often argue. I don't know... maybe this is why I can't remember most of my childhood. Maybe my conscience unconsciously blocks all those unpleasant memories from my mind. It's true, I only remember bits of my childhood, and the good one is rare, mostly I remember the sad thing, especially when my parents argued.

My mom has been hurt by my father for so long. She always said that she wanted to leave my father, but she couldn't because of us - her childern. And now, after we all have our own family, she can't take it anymore. She said that in the years that she still have in her life, she wants to be happy. Oh God! I know that my mom always wants to go to France and visits the Lourdes. I want to finance her to go there, but my budget is limited. Oh God, please help me.

Last Friday, I went to the church alone because my wife had an occassion at the office. So, I attended the mass and lightened up 4 candles as she requested and prayed. I prayed quite a lot that time.

Dear life, as I said before. There are many times I'm so stressed because I don't know what will happen in life. But, now, I'm beginning to be able to give all my worries to God again. God, I trust that no matter what will happen, you have a beautiful plan for me. Amien.

posted by Fajar @ 3:06 AM 0 Comments

A very busy day today. I almost lost my temper in the morning because of it. The big boss wanted me to do a shortcut, while the director was against it. Well, what should I do? I am the one who is like a pawn here. I spoke my mind frankly to him, and finally he could accept it, while still reminded me of the risk of doing it.

Well, I hate office politics. The boss asked me to do some analyzes to choose the right vendor for Barcode system, but actually we did this several months ago, and our recommendation was put in the lingo because of 'unspecified reason' (like in the X-Files). Hehe.. Anyway, I'll do it again. I'm not the boss here, right?

Dear life, actually I'm out of idea of what I should write in this 3rd paragraph. But encep a long time friend of mine suggests me to write about our 'royal dial-up connection'. :) Well, as you know, we're still using a full-speed 56K dial-up modem for our internet connection. It's ok, it's fast and stable, but as long as only being shared for few users, but starting 10am upward, the internet is totally suck! Thanks God there is htb. I take 80% of the bw for myself. Haha.. naughty me, but no... I'm not that bad, it's only when I need to ssh to my colo-server. I hope when we upgrade to wireless Lan or ADSL, we'll have a better speed.

posted by Fajar @ 3:43 AM 0 Comments

I started the day by writing an email, a very important email. I put all my feeling and thought about the place I work for, and sent it to some key person but the Director. Well, I guess they discussed it, because suddenly my boss started asking me about wireless internet, etc. Wow! I hope this is a good sign. Well, I prayed before I sent the email, because I think it contains a very important and sensitive information.

Now, let's talk about something more casual, shall we?
I love science fiction movies, especially Startrek. I often imagine myself what it's like to be able to travel among the stars. Visiting strange worlds and meeting with exotic aliens. I once had this bizarre dream when I was in junior highschool. In the dream I stood in the middle of a large yard near my home, and in the sky, I could see many stars, galaxies, and planets. And they are all so clear, so near. As if I could touch them. I can still remember it until now.

Well, interstellar space travel won't be happening in my life time, but I'm sure I will witness the landing of man on Mars. Who knows, we would find prove of life there :)

posted by Fajar @ 3:14 AM 0 Comments

Yesterday, I and my wife went to Gajah Mada Plaza. There we visited several pet shops. Oh, they have many cute puppies: golden retriever, pom-pom, bulldog, chow-chow, puddle, terrier, etc. I especially love golden retriever, while my wife loves pompom. We argued, and finally she agreed to keep golden retriever later when we can :) The reason I like golden retriever, is because they are big dogs but also very cute and smart.



The latest was my late dog. Her name was Boomer, named after a dog movie-star the "Boomer" series.

By the way, it is amazing how my website from 1998 (1999 published) is still kept on http://fajar.freeservers.com

posted by Fajar @ 3:18 AM 0 Comments

The first day of the weekday. As usual we start the day by meeting with the Director. Our co-director is sick so we didn't discuss some issues where he's in charge. The meeting was very insteresting, the topics were hot and some were very important regarding our existence. And a few make me think very hard of what my future might be in this place, things that I should make sure to decide and prepare from now on.

Some intermezzo, during the meeting I ate a lot of cooked soy-bean. That's right, soy-bean. I've never thought that they can be so delicous, and moreover they're healthy food. I think I'll buy some and cook them by myself.

Now, let's talk something serious... that is LIFE.
If we think about it, average life-span of man is 65. Now, I am 30. Still 35 years old left. But the real productive time left for me is about until 55? That means 25 years left.

Now, what options do I have in life?
1. Keep going on with this organization
2. Start my own business
3. Pursue my life-long goal

It is the time when I'm not so sure what to decide. I have plan and wishes, but I really don't know if it will be come true. I have seen many of my plans went wrong and ended in total failure.

Well, I don't know. There are times when the most planned is the one that is failed, and the one that is not expected is the one that I get.

I remember in 2001, times when I was still actively engange in web-design. A friend of mine asked me to participate in a web-design competition in Untar, and she said the deadline was.... the next day! It meant that I only had 1 night to finish it. Anyway, I said OK and she applied myself for the competition. I sat in front of my computer for a long time blankly. I didn't know what/how I put the design. I browsed the year book for inspiration, and finally came up with an idea. So, I made myself wake up all night, and in 3am I finished the web. I was not sure, but when I finished it, I had this strong feeling that I would win, and I did! I took 2nd place winner for it. Wow!

But there is also times that make me sorry. One of them is when we were having a major conflict in my previous company. I think I made a wrong impression toward my big boss. If only I choose the right side, I think I could have been in Kuala Lumpur right now. He's still nice though, he invited us to visit him in KL for our honeymoon. He's great, he drove the latest BMW series 7 and paid all our accomodation there. It was really a sweet memory.

posted by Fajar @ 3:03 AM 0 Comments

A relative calm day today.
Last night I stayed up till 1.30am setting up the groupware program. I was having trouble on the calendar system. But then I found out the error was because we create Group without any member. I almost gave up because on the IRC channel they suggested me to uninstall and re-install the module, which I did without success. Well, I'm glad I found the cause.

About faith...
Last night before I slept, I was thinking about it quite a bit. I tried to remember what it's like when I was in elementary-junior high school. What I remember is that in those times, I was almost never worried about anything. I guess, I have a much stronger faith in my younger life. Well, life was also much simple that time. I don't have to worry about money, work, or even school! I used to be able to "quick read" a book and then still got good mark for it.

Now, there are s so many things that worry me in life. Money, work, security, etc.... I think, the older I am, the more faith I should have. But it doesn't! Well, sometimes I do have strong faith, but not regularly. This lack of faith is torturing me, especially when I don't know what lies in the road ahead, when I can't predict the result, or when I run out of options.

I do remember the story of "foot prints on the sand" and it gives me strenght just by remembering it. Also the story of a child asking her mother of what she's sewing of. The first story tells us that God always walk along side us, and in times of hardness, He carries us. The second story tells us that eventhough life is so hard and we don't understand what is God's plan for us, in time He will give the best for us.

I need to talk to Him again tonight. I think it's high time for me to really try to reach Him again. You know, in elementary school, I always had a goosebump when praying. I don't know how, but when I prayed, I could picture Him in my mind clearly and I can feel His presence.

I really miss you, God.

posted by Fajar @ 3:26 AM 0 Comments

I think I know what is wrong with me. Why I'm having all those insecure and anxious feelings. It's because my faith is not as strong as it's used to be... I really need to talk to Him, a real conversation and not just a ritual prayer. Oh God, please have mercy on me...

posted by Fajar @ 6:14 AM 0 Comments

I need to do some more research on the internet tonight regarding some future-related issues. I think 2 hours will be sufficient. Also I need to browse through a mailing list archive of about 1500 emails, looking for clues of what I must do next.

I am confident I can finish it tonight. I'm already feeling that my energy is back again for me to be able to stay up late in the night again. Just keep focus and believe.

posted by Fajar @ 5:12 AM 0 Comments

A loser (always) says "It is possible but it is hard"
A winner (always) says "It is hard but it is possible"

So many things I want to achieve, but I don't know what will the result be.

My friend said, "Do your best and let God does the rest".

Oh man!
I'm really confused. I need to pray......

posted by Fajar @ 4:32 AM 0 Comments

I stayed up until 2am yesterday, installing mail server and stuffs on my notebook. I need the mail server because I want to run a groupware software for the office. I got some difficulties at first regarding the mail module, the sending process was so slow, I suspected that it's related with DNS issue, and I was right. After arriving at the office, I setup the proper domain and DNS record, and the mail-sending process is not taking so long anymore.

About the groupware software, it is great! Some of the features are: mail, calendar, trouble-ticket system, forum, messagging, etc.. which all those features can be run privately or for collaborative purposes. Amazing indeed. I think I must study this product deeper, because I smell money in it. Hmm.. I can start seeing something on how my future business is like.

By the way, this morning on the way to the office, I saw someone that I had a cross when we were in University. Boy, she's still the same as I remember, very attractive. Beside having a great body, she's also has a great eyes. When looking, she's so sharp. Talking about her, she took her post-graduate degree in Australia, and when she came back, she called me but I wasn't at home. The call was in my answering maching, but since she didn't say her name, I thought that it was somebody else, and I didn't call back. I wonder what would have had happen if I called her back....

posted by Fajar @ 10:32 PM 0 Comments

So many things I wanna do, but so little time and energy.
Sometimes I wish I don't have to go to bed, I wish I can awake all 24 hours a day. So many things to learn, but too little energy and time.

I want to master French, I want to master Linux, I want to be able to make a good web-design, I want to be able to do side-job in order to earn more money, I want to write books and become a well-known writer, I want to go around the world, I want to save the world, I want to be able to play games more often, I want a super-fast internet connection, I want to go to the movies every weekend, etc....

posted by Fajar @ 3:41 AM 0 Comments

Somber day today. I wanted to do some research on groupware web-portal system, but our internet connection is so slow. So, I've just managed to do the browsing now. There are 72 projects regarding groupware in freshmeat.net. I browsed through them all, and got about 15 good ones. Must download and test them locally. The reason behind this that the boss wants us to do some projects collaboratively. Often, each department does it's project without the acknowledgment from other department, this results in less coordination and when finally the coordination is taken, it's too late.

We've just got presentation from a company about digital archiving. Quite impressive, but expensive. Well.., not really, but the owner doesn't want to sell the product based on the license only, but he wants to sell it after analyzing our cost on documentation process. What a greedy man (well, maybe all businessman is like that).

My friend Harry just contacted me on IRC that he has finished his proposal and syllabus on wifi training. I plan to get all my staffs trained, and also staffs from the General Affair department. Harry is great, a true example of how Linux can benefit us economically.

posted by Fajar @ 8:55 PM 0 Comments

This morning I have a weekly meeting with the Director and the head of departments. Just an usual meeting. But, when it came the Director asked my colleque about the inventory SOP progress, I couldn't help myself to complain about it. I said that I was irritated by him and that I was not pleased for wasting my time for such a meeting. I think he was angry, but we are the ones that should be angry with him. Well, anyway, my other colleaques support me. It wasn't the system that is faulted, it's him.

Another story. Yesterday my sister-in-law bought a CDMA handphone, because she needs it to do her job and school paper at home and then send it by email. Alas! She bought the wrong type, so we have to use fren (by mobile8) and not StarOne (by Indosat). Luckily, it turned out that mobile8 is good enough. It was my first time setting up a mobile internet access, and I was surprised to know that the speed was almost 200KBps! More than 5 times dial-up modem!

So, now I'm the one that is very interested in buying a CDMA handphone. Because, when we came to the mobile8's stand, they have a promotion that if we buy Rp.2.000.000 of mobile8's voucher, we'll get a brand new NOKIA 6585! I think it is a very good deal, and I'll be able to save quite a budget monthly from my dial-up internet access cost.

posted by Fajar @ 1:44 AM 0 Comments

Dear life,
I've just spent 3 hours this morning in a meeting that was absolute bullshit!
A colleque that is in charge in making an SOP for purchasing and invetory system is making the three of us crazy (me, head of purchasing, and head of finance). The whole concept that he proposes is crap. And worse, he stubbornly refuses most of our suggestion about it.
Damn it! I've lost 3 precious hours just for it. Why on earth our organization keeps him in place?!

posted by Fajar @ 10:01 PM 0 Comments

Hectic day today.
The boss has requested that all staffs on certain level are to be blocked from reaching internet. This can be done using squid, but if I do this without proper announcement and formality, I might be causing some protests from the staffs. So, I emailed all the head of department asking for list of staffs that are going to be blocked. Got some responses, but while waiting for it, I've already done some blockings. So far so good.

I've got some homeworks for the weekend. I must make a detail plan of what my department will do this year. It's about the improvement of internet access and network infrastructure across our school's complexes. What upset me is that, the decision making-process of this organization is so slow! Sometimes, there's too many considerations, and worse... many times there were just no decision at all!

posted by Fajar @ 11:33 PM 0 Comments

If I think about it, I think doing journal like this is very good for our heart.
It keeps track of your life and gives "vitamins" to your heart everytime we read it.

posted by Fajar @ 4:00 AM 0 Comments

After 2 years... I finally resurrect this blog.
I really miss those times... times full of sweet memories.
I guess the romantic part of me has been dormant for so long....

posted by Fajar @ 3:48 AM 0 Comments

Test

posted by Fajar @ 6:27 AM 0 Comments

Ahhhhhh... hiohiohiooooo...
Finally, I've managed to move this page into arinet.org
After several failures.... this page is up and run smoothly.. Thanks to nCiz and Ch^_^ from #indodesign for helping me with the setup process and for supporting me when I was very upset with the failures. Hiohiohiooo.

posted by Fajar @ 12:29 AM 0 Comments

Test 2

posted by Fajar @ 12:11 AM 0 Comments

Testing ... move into own domain.

posted by Fajar @ 11:30 PM 0 Comments

Dear life,
Finally our intranet website is running. Thanks to Microsoft's knowledge base, I found the way how to set it up right. Microsoft's commitment to support their users is really amazing. In the Knowledge Base section of the website, we can virtually find anything that relates to Microsoft's products. But, of course, some readings (well, actually a lot of) are required. I stayed at the office until 23:00 last night. And, I think I have to stay late again tonight. I have to start designing and testing our intranet website. My big boss will go to Hongkong tomorrow for a week, and I want to finish the website before he's back.

This morning at home I read a book titled "The secret of World's 10 Richest Men". Hehehe.... I want to join them. One thing that is common among those richest men is they always believe that they can achieve what they want. To be able to do so, we have to possess a positive mentality towards ourselves. A France pharmacyst called... hmmmm... I forgot (I'll look it up on the book later).... invented a method to build up our positive mentality. It's very simple, just repeat this words at least 20 times a day, "Every day, in every aspects, I have to be better."

Every day, in every aspects, I have to be better.....
Every day, in every aspects, I have to be better.....
Every day, in every aspects, I have to be better.....
Every day, in every aspects, I have to be better.....

posted by Fajar @ 6:37 AM 0 Comments

Dear life,
Another stressful day. Hehehe... At 13:30-14:30 our leased line was down again for the second time. This time it was Telkom's STO again. I don't understand how come a big company like Telkom acts in such unprofessional way. When I asked CSM about it, they said, "Well, you know Telkom. All government's company are all the same, if you know what I mean." Hehehe... a prove that it's difficult to reform the 'corrupt' mentality of our bureaucracy. Maybe someday...

I've got this beautiful words today :
Memberikan seluruh cintamu kepada seseorang bukanlah jaminan dia akan membalas cintamu. Jangan mengharapkan balasan cinta, tunggulah sampai cinta berkembang di hatinya, tetapi jika tidak, berbahagialah karena cinta tumbuh di hatimu.

In english, the translation goes like this:
Giving all your love to someone doesn't mean that she will love you back. Don't expect her to return your love, instead, wait for the love grows in her heart. If it doesn't grow, however, be happy that it grows in your heart.

Yes, I really like that words. I have a long conversation with my boss tonight. He said that if you love someone, you must be persistent. Keep trying.
I said to him, "But, I'm not settled yet, Sir. How come woman could be attracted to me? Woman needs some kind of material quality of man nowadays." "Well", he said, "If you wait until you've settled yourself, you might not be able to know whether a woman really loves you or just because of your money."

Hmm.. he has a point there.

posted by Fajar @ 6:05 AM 0 Comments

Dear life,
Finally, I have my first MCP in W2K Pro yesterday, hehehe.. Thank God. I was really nervous. My preparation was only from a tutorial and practising CD I bought at Citraland. However, the tutorial is really good, it provides simulation too. But, I didn't finished all the subject covered on the CD, I only managed to study the installation, managing folder and files, security, and hardware troubleshooting. I didn't study active directory user management very well (this subject has the most exercise).

Anyway, today has been another stressful day for me. So much to be done but so limited resources. But, I've read Henry Ford biography, and he had a very good principle that I like. "Everything is possible..... as long as you believe." Yes! I do believe I will get my dreams, God speed.

I read a chat transcript of Mr. Winson Lan. He's a successful businessman in Singapore who once almost lost his business, but, he struggled and succeeded in retaining his business and even now he's one of the most famous Singaporean businessmen. His motto is: "Never say die. If you have a dream, live up your dream. Eat with it, work with it, sleep with it." I like his motto very much. He's become my inspiration.

Never be afraid of tomorrow.

posted by Fajar @ 4:12 AM 0 Comments

Dear life,
I have been not in the mood for these last couple of days. I don't know why, I just feel that everyone is sucks!!! Hehehe... even my good assistant seemed bad. I know it's wrong.... I'm sorry. Well, I must say this to him personally.

Thanks to Sandy, a good friend of mine in IRC. We talked a lot tonight, somehow I feel the burden on my shoulders lighter. By the way, he recommended me to listen to a song titled "ONCE" by Air Supply. It's an instrumental song. He said the song is really suitable for day-dreaming about someone we love. Hehehe....

Anyway, I found this website of Air Supply's fans and I like the lyrics from the song "When I say" in The book of love album. That's exactly how I feel about someone I love.....

WHEN I SAY

I just saw a picture, from the lost and found
It was taken the day that we met
With so many people around

All my false bravado seemed to disappear
So I just had to follow my heart
I knew it would take me somewhere

And I still feel the same
But it's heart to explain
All my emotions are tossed in the wind
Lost 'til the moment, I hold you again

When I say I love you
When I say I need you
When you say come closer
I know I'll never leave you

You can stare into heaven
When your heart is free
I supppose that we just couldn't wait
For heaven is where we must be

And we still feel the same
No need to explain
I don't see the shadows
I don't feel the rain
I'm walking in sunlight
I'll tell you again

When I say I want you
When I say I need you
When you say come closer
I know I'll never leave you
When I say I love you
When you come closer
I know I'll never leave you

posted by Fajar @ 5:46 AM 0 Comments

Dear life,
Leased line down? Hehehe... our "all brand new" leased line finally got its bad mark. Well, the bad thing is that it's not the only one that got the bad image, but, me also. My big boss jokingly said to me, "Our leased line always goes up and down all the time?" Hehehe.... I could only give an explanation that this would be very rare from happening again in the future.

Hmmm... who said, "Stress is good" ? I must meet the person and start a long debate about it. Hehehe....

Well, I bought another PC tonight. Pentium Celeron 400Mhz, 64 MB SDRAM, 10 GB Seagate, Intel 810 Motherboard (most economical - hehehe - Vga and sound card on board), 14" GTC Monitor, Network adapter + hub 8 ports 10/100. I need it to practice networking. I decided to put my self seriously into IT and I understand that it needs some amount of investment. I hope I've made the right decision. Besides, I think my parents, especially my father would like to learn computer and internet. Actually, I could use my office's computers to practice networking, I just have to buy some HDDs, but, in order to do this I have to open the casing over and over again, I'm afraid this would cause the computers, especially the memory to be in danger of electrical static charge. Better be safe, right?

Anyway, I will have my 70-210 (Windows 2000 Pro) Examination on Feb 14, 2001. Hehehe... an interesting day to take an exam. I have a secret plan.....

posted by Fajar @ 5:57 AM 0 Comments

Dear life,
I have another invaluable experience today. The story began when I found out that I couldn't send emails using my Outlook, neither could other PCs. Also, when I opened Event Viewer on my server, there were many errors regarding DNS. However, when I told my big boss that our Outlook was having trouble, it turned out that his Outlook was fine, he could send emails. So, I began calling my friends for help. Peter, a friend of mine at Microsoft agreed to give me a hand. Looking into the Event Viewer that I sent him, he concluded that I had several mistakes in setting up my server. Yes, I realized that. But, our network was just fine two days ago. I suspected that our router was causing this, maybe, I needed to adjust some settings or restart my server. So, I restarted my server with a big hope, but, it didn't work out. Our Outlook still couldn't sent internet email. After some time looking into the TCP/IP setting, I wondered, could it be the DNS server's IP? So, I changed the the DNS IP into one of the IPs we have from the ISP, and...... it worked!!! I ran to the server room, there they were, all the emails that I tried to send were coming into my hotmail account. Thank God! Yes!

What a day!

posted by Fajar @ 6:19 AM 0 Comments

Dear life,
Today is another stressful day for me. First, I've just sent a monitor to be repaired with my own money (it's a long story), but then, when it's finished, the windows hang all the time. I think I'll have to format the harddisk tomorrow. And finally, this afternoon, my friend in confirmation division came to me and told me that she couldn't get the process done. I tried to stay calm, I told her to restart her computer and do the process once more. But it's still failed. I begun to become nervous, because if we couldn't get it done, it means we wouldn't be able to send our report to JSX and we would be suspended. A friend of mine from accounting department suggested to repair and compact the database first. We did, but, the error message still the same. However, the process - strangely - successful (with the error message!). Hmm..., we have to contact our program vendor first thing tomorrow morning.

Well, tonight I have an interesting topic to think of that is "Materialistic". I was quite shocked when a friend (she) of mine at the office said to me that it is normal for a woman to be materialistic. Is this what woman nowadays? Well, well. I have to re-think my perception towards man-woman relationship from now on. Hehehe....

Sometimes, I just feel that the stress I have is too much for me to bear. I know God always guides me all the way, but, sometimes I just don't understand why. There were times, where I almost gave up. But, every time, He hand out His hands to help me. Thank you Lord.

posted by Fajar @ 6:27 AM 0 Comments

Dear life,
These last two days have been very stressful for me. Yesterday my internet sharing server downed because of harddisk crash, and when I tried to replace the harddisk, the cdrom couldn't read smoothly the installation disk. I had to use my assistant's cdrom. The installation went allright, and the internet was up again. But, this morning, when he tried to turn on his computer, it failed. I found out that there was a short circuit in the motherboard. Well, I have to call my friend to fix it. I just hope the damage isn' too serious.

Yesterday, I tried to setup the router using Cisco's installation wizard. Seemed easy at first, because the wizard was really clear and step-by-step. The testing was passed, but when I tried to browse the internet, it failed. Also, it failed when I tried to ping the ISP. I was determined to successfully setup the router so that it would be ready this morning, but, at last I gave up. After making several calls to the ISP and leased line provider, I decided to ask for help from the ISP or LLP. But, I was told that the ISP would charge us for that, so, I called the LLP and they sent a technician. The technician seemed very skillful and he did! In doing his job, he tried to call the ISP for more details of the setting, but, the contact person weren't there. So, he called his head office and luckily, he had a friend that had 'inner' ally in the ISP. So, he start listening to his friend on the phone for direction and after a couple of hours they managed to setup the router successfully. Wow, I was grateful. I asked him to have dinner with me, but he politely reject the offer. He's really a professional.

A challenge has passed, another one emerges. We have just found out that our company will be audited by the JSX watch dog. It's nothing special really, it's done annually. But, they are requesting data from November, which I'm affraid isn't available anymore. You see, when the former IT still worked here, she always backed up the data weekly into the backup tapes and then deleted the files from the harddisk. And, I was told that if a tape run out of space, we could just erase it and put the new data on it. So I did! Actually, we also have mirror data from the manual process, but, just in case the auditor asks for the data from the computer........ All I can do now is hoping for God's mercy and I believe in Him.

An hour and a half! Imagine that..... we talked for an hour and a half. From 7:30 to 9:00 we exchanged news and thoughts. Hehehe... I talked about when we were in high school. She smiled when I told her a time when she was visiting her friend in my class, and whe she saw me entering the classroom, she rushed out of the room and bumped into a table. Hehehe.. "Bad memory", she said.

I made a promise to her tonight that I would take her to dinner in Singapore someday. That's a promise.

posted by Fajar @ 7:49 AM 0 Comments

Dear life,
I woke up still feeling quite sleepy this morning, maybe because I came home very late last night. I managed to read some pages of Onno W. Purbo's Apache Web Server book though. But, I slept in the server room on lunch time. Hahaha... it helped. It's very interesting, how the GNU license program makes Apache as the most used server in the world. With this license, people can use the program freely and even modify it, as long as they give other people the freedom to change the program, too. I believe, open system programs such as Linux, FreeBSD, dan Apache will eventually dominate the market if Microsoft keeps its way of doing business like it does now.

Anyway, I joined Master Web Indonesia community and made some good friends there. We often chat in MWI's official IRC channel, exchanging some web design knowledges, making fun of each others, giving support when someone has problem, etc. In short, we are like family. Some of my good friends are: botakgila, devil|ray, defftones, rahsy, gi4nt, bemby, dogfight, ramsy, labalaba, and ganja_man. Devil|ray is coming home next month, we promise to meet once he's in Jakarta to talk about something.

Have you seen Richie Ren and Cecilia Cheung's movie "Fly Me to Polaris"? On one of the scene, Richie Ren said, "Sometimes if we see the world with our eyes, we become hungry and want to possess what we see. So, in this moment, let us close our eyes for just a moment and try to see the world with our heart." Hmmm... maybe this is what I feel when I chat with my friends in IRC. We only know each other by nickname, but yet, the friendship is so strong. Maybe this is because we only see words after words typed on a plain white screen of our monitors. Shapeless and soundless. However, this abstract interaction makes the relationship pure and simple. Free of status differences, physical attraction, social masks, etc.

I met her again tonight in MSN Messenger. I tried to tell her the story of "Fly Me to Polaris". Hehehe.. it seemed the story was just too long and she didn't have the chance to hear it completely. Well, never mind. I hope someday I can see the movie together with her. It's a very romantic movie and I'm sure she'll like it, too.


Tonight I got this wonderful lyric from Sam :

And if I fall along the way
Pick me up and dust me off
And if i get too tired to make it
Be my breath so I can walk
And if I need some other love again
Give me more than I can stand
When my smile gets old and faded
Wait around I'll smile again

Shouldn't be so complicated
Just hold me and then just hold me again

posted by Fajar @ 6:51 AM 0 Comments

Dear life,
Today is a busy day for me. The RTI's subscription extension, JSX's confirmation of the extension, and finally the long-awaited Cisco 805 Router has arrived. With this new router we will have a stable internet connection. The one we are using now is suck, we have to reset the modem every 4-5 hours. I have called our leased line and internet service provider for new IP addresses.

My plan to study tonight isn't fulfiled. One of StockWatch's technician came to install their program. Alas, when I told him what OS we are using he said that the program won't run correctly because it wasn't supported by the OS yet. This means I have to install another OS on another harddisk. But, there was a problem with the cdrom, it couldn't read the cd smoothly. So, I have to open and close the cdrom repeatedly so that it could read the cd. It's 23:01 now, thank God the installation is over.

I met her again tonight in MSN Messenger. Oh, I love that moment when we chat. I felt like I was talking face to face with her and I could see her bright eyes and her magnificent smile. When I told her that I was having trouble with the cdrom, she promptly asked me to concentrate on it. What a woman! So supportive and understanding.

posted by Fajar @ 8:01 AM 0 Comments

Dear life,
I feel very happy today. Eventhough I started this day with a stressful situation, but it ended nicely.
Actually, I've just made a false impression of one of my bosses this morning. I thought he's a senseless and unsymphathetic person, but I was wrong.
I sent him a quite rude email expressing my discontentment of what he has done to my assistant (he cuts his salary without notice).
But, it turn out that there's a misunderstanding between him and I. What I thought to be a net salary is wrong, because when my assistant signed the contract, he had explained about the deduction, only the deduction happens starting this month. Well, my boss didn't angry. He explained the matter professionally. I said I was sorry for my misunderstanding to him.

Also, I met (actually still am meeting) someone I've known for so long. I like her very much. This morning she replied my email supporting me to pursue my IT skills and to have a great day ahead. And I replied, "I hope I can have a great day ahead with you." I do hope this.

posted by Fajar @ 5:49 AM 0 Comments

Dear life,
Today is the first time I write this journal.
A journal of my life, where I express my feeling and thought of it.

Sam, one of my good friends in IRC gave one of his writings to me. I like it very much, because it makes me think of life.
"Life seems so far away, while dreams are too close to be reality. Confusion is not an option, it's a fact of life."

posted by Fajar @ 7:15 AM 0 Comments